What will I get for this?

Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.

They weep as they go to plant their seed,

but they sing as they return with the harvest.

Psalm 126:5-6

I was reading this today and imagining what "harvest" I may get to enjoy after all this is over. Twins perhaps?  Matt getting exactly the residency he wants?

And almost as quickly as I thought those thoughts, another thought came to mind.

What if those things aren't the harvest?

That if they don't happen, God's word says a harvest is still to be had.  So what is that harvest?, I thought. What will I get after all this?  I'm planting in tears.  Show me the money.

And then this simple word:  Jesus.

More of Jesus.  Oh, I cry.  More of Jesus Himself.

A friend (who's no stranger to pain) wrote me this before the $#@% hit the fan this week, and I'm going back to it now:

Of course you grieve and question.  Feel it all, drink in every ounce of it, even though it's bitter.  At some point it will feel like you have a secret between yourself and God because there is a connection in grief and confusion that once He settles your churning soul, you will know Him in a way nothing but grief can produce.

So I'm hoping for that.