How a bloody toilet made me love Jesus more

She came over and cleaned my bloody toilet after I miscarried.

How do I repay that?

I could never write enough thank you notes to that friend who willingly and lovingly entered into my mess the way she did when I was not well.

I told her I didn't know how to repay her, and she told me of the time others entered into and cleaned up her mess...when she so sick from the chemo treatments...

At first I was embarrassed to be needy, but now I'm grateful for that experience.  It has acted to me as a blessed reminder that this was the state of my soul before Christ came.

This morning at church, we sang "O Holy Night" and I stood, hands raised, tears streaming down my cheeks, thinking of that holy night divine....when Jesus left heaven where things are perfect and whole to willingly come to this earth where things are fractured and enter into our mess.

Why would he do that???

"Because of My great love," He whispers to me.

He is so other.  So different than us.

We seek and strive for recognition and admiration.

He made himself nothing, a little baby who would grow up to willingly be well acquainted with suffering and bitterest grief.  God's son, equal in power and glory with his Father, riding on a lowly donkey.

Maybe that's the thing about Him that most baffles me, most humbles and amazes me...that he made himself low on our behalf.  He, a king, THE King, made himself nothing because of His love.

...but [He] emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name...

Phillippians 2:7-9

My heart bursts with joy at the thought of Jesus coming into our messed up world for us!

Thank you, Lord Jesus!

For Unto Us a Child is Born!

My brother Matt started a school in the worst neighborhood in Atlanta.  It's full of dilapidated houses and drug deals on the corners and prostitution and, among all that,... little children.

Last Christmas, we piled into Matt's van as he drove us around that neighborhood, explaining what goes down in this or that area of the neighborhood.  He lives in a nearby neighborhood with his family, and I couldn't help but notice how relaxed he was as he drove us slowly through the crack-house lined streets of English Avenue.  I was in the back seat with my sweet little niece and nephews, "casually" checking to make sure the doors were locked as two men appeared to be walking toward our van to see if we were there to buy drugs.

I wanted to say, "Matt, drive faster!  What the heck are you doing!  They think we're here for something else because we're driving slow and keep circling around!"  But my brother, in his confident way, just waved at them and kept driving...slowly, sharing with us his heart for the generation of children who are growing up in this neighborhood.  "See, right there! (pointing to two little kids).  They need a future.  They are why we have to start this school."  A pretty young girl (I estimated about 19 years old?) came walking out of an abandoned house to the right of us. I saw my dad in the front seat look at her with such compassionate eyes as he said, "Oh no, what a pretty girl."  And we all sadly wondered what she was just doing in there.  And a fervent prayer poured out of my mouth that God would draw her to Himself and have mercy on her.  I felt His heart for her.

My heart breaks to think about it even now.  That this is the story of many people.  The broken and the lost among us. How often I ignore them.

I think sometimes about the need for good teachers in the inner city.  My friend Christin is one of them.  I love her stories.

And then I think about me.  I have taught for 12 years in classical Christian schools in fairly affluent communities around the country.  Learned communities, clean communities.  I look at what Matt is doing and sometimes wonder if it would be more noble of me to teach in the 'hood.  Maybe I shouldn't be teaching at a classical Christian school in a nice neighborhood.

But then I think - Wait, the poorest of the poor or the wealthiest of the wealthy have this in common: the message of the Gospel is the same for them both.....They are both, we are all, in desperate need of a Savior.  Brokenness is everywhere.

I see a younger version of myself in many of my students. Happy students who aren't yet aware of the depravity of the world or the depravity of their own hearts and their great need for Jesus.

They think they're good enough.  That their families are good enough.  Like I did. That because they're not like those "bad" people, God loves them and accepts them.

I used to ask my 2nd graders, "Why do you think God gave us the Ten Commandments?" And the answer I got all the time was, "So that we can try harder to be good."

And that's when I broke it to them: "The Bible says you can never be good enough.  I can never be good enough. Your parents can never be good enough.  Our very very best behavior is not good enough for God."  And they would sit wide-eyed and confused, looking at me wondering what I would tell them next.  I could hear their thoughts: Didn't their moms drop them off at school this morning and tell them to "Be good"??  Isn't "being good" the goal?  Being clean? Being richer and happier?

And then I got to do my most favorite part of my job:  plant the seed of the Gospel and pray that it will take deep root in their hearts and grow over time.  I told them howJesus lived a perfect life because we couldn't do it.  That He's the only one who never broke any of the Ten Commandments. That all we have to do is put our trust in Jesus, believing that He is the only one "good enough" to God, admitting that we have no righteousness in ourselves.  And just like that, God accepts us.  He sees His perfect Son when He looks at all those who trust in Jesus to be their righteousness for them.

Among other subjects, I get to teach Bible.  When I taught 2nd grade, I was tasked to cover Genesis through Deuteronomy, the familiar Bible stories most of us know if we grew up in Sunday school: The Creation story, Adam and Eve, the Fall, Moses leading the people out of Egypt, the 10 Commandments, etc.  No problem.

When I was hired to teach 4th grade though at my new school in Florida, I learned I would be responsible for teaching all the Prophets (Elijah through Malachi).  Yikes!  It was the part of the Bible I was least familiar with (Obadiah?  Nahum?).  I could name the books of the Bible, but up until that year, I wasn't able to clearly articulate what was happening historically during those prophet years or how these men's books fit into the overall narrative of the Bible.  What if I butchered it?!

I remember collecting promises from some of these books in college, writing an out-of-context verse here and there in my journal and letting God speak to me through it. But I was missing so much of the big picture story of Israel that would have illuminated those verses to me.  I didn't know what I was missing.

I had a vague impression that I was missing a lot, but I was content for a long time to not know what those books were really about.

God in His sovereign wisdom though stirred my curiosity to take a class that was being offered at my church in Kansas City on the Prophet Books long before I knew I would be teaching on those books in Florida.  And the teacher before me left me fantastic outlines too which have have been a huge help.

I had a pastor once who would say, "When we study the Bible, we first have to know what God was speaking to the people then, before we can know what He is speaking to us now." 

Basically, I tell my students that the Prophet Books are full of bad news, followed by good news.  Israel divided into two kingdoms, Israel and Judah, when some of the tribes did not want to follow one particular king.  Israel continued to sin, worshipping false gods, acting unjustly to the poor among them, trusting other nations to protect them instead of trusting God, etc.  So God sent prophets to warn them to repent or He would send judgement.

The people of Israel didn't know they were far off from God.  They half-heartedly followed Him, doing a religious ritual here and there, while mostly doing what they wanted.

A holy God, by his very nature, cannot tolerate sin (or He wouldn't be holy).  Israel's God, in his perfect holiness, could not ignore their perpetual sin any longer.  Like any loving parent, he HAD to discipline them. He had to correct them.  Fourth graders get this when I say, "Would your mom and dad do nothing if you continued to disobey them over and over again?  If they told you not to eat any cookies before dinner, and you ate a handful of Oreos before dinner in plain sight of your parents, would they turn their heads and pretend like you did nothing wrong? If you continued to hit your brother after your parents clearly told you not to, would they pretend they didn't see it?  Of course not!  They love you! They cannot ignore your sin!"

So God let Israel be taken captive by the Assyrians.  And later on, Judah, who thought they were let off the hook, was taken captive by the Babylonians.

Over and over, in the Prophet Books, we see the same thing - God sends a prophet to:

1. Warn of impending judgement because of Israel and Judah's continued sin
2. Describe their sin
3. Describe the coming judgement
4. Call them to repentance
5. Promise a future deliverance

Bad news, then good news.

We're studying Isaiah right now in fourth grade, and oh! I love it!  We are discussing Isaiah's message of hope that God still loves his people even though he had to punish them.....and that ultimately God would send a Savior who would bear all their sins.

For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given;
and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
-Isaiah 9:6

7 

We listened to the Hallelujah Chorus of Handel's "Messiah" after reading Isaiah 9:6, where Isaiah is prophesying about Jesus, our Savior's, birth.  Hallelujah indeed!

I love teaching my students how all the books of the Bible point to Jesus.  If you have a reader in the family, these books make great Christmas gifts!

How to Read the Bible through the Jesus Lens

The Jesus Storybook Bible - Great for kids and adults!

Merry Christmas, friends!  A Savior was sent for us!  I hope you are enjoying this season!

School Days: And all of a sudden they were seniors

I started my 12th year of teaching this week and have been loving getting to know my new group of students. Ah, childhood.

We elementary school teachers probably spend more waking hours with our students than with anyone else for nine months out of the year.  Needless to say, a special bond is formed.  Every year I refer to my students as "my kids" when I talk about them to my friends and family.  

The other day, I realized that my very first class of 1st graders that I ever taught are now SENIORS!

They were in my class when they were 6 years old, learning how to read and add and subtract and properly hold a pencil and control the impulse to flail their arms while walking in line.  And now, well...some of them can vote.  And they're choosing colleges and will soon live on their own.  Time marches on.  Selah.

Wait a minute. They're seniors?  How is that even possible??!

I've taught with teachers who have been in the game much longer than me and who have even taught their previous students' children.  How cool is that?  While I don't know what that feels like, I must say it does feel incredibly satisfying to think of my first set of kids graduating this year.

I remember each one of them, and oh I can tell classroom stories!  I used to keep a journal dedicated soley to all the funny things my students said in class.  I abandoned that halfway through my first year though because it just became too hard to keep track of the darling hilarity that ensued on a regular basis.

My first class, 2004 

I would love to know how each of them are doing, but I don't live in Colorado anymore and am only still in contact with three of the families.  What I would LOVE is to pose them in this same picture in the same positions, just 12 years later.  Wouldn't that be fantastic?

Anyway, this post is dedicated to you, class of 2016.  You are remembered!  And loved!

The Florida Bungalow

Well, it's been 8 months since we moved to Florida.  And I'm remembering that this little blog really was a good way to update my family and friends on our nomadic med school life. A fun way of keeping in touch.  A way that I've neglected since we became Floridians.

So without further delay, here's a first glimpse into our current life for those who have asked.

Several of you have asked how my dad is doing.  He's recovering and has put a lot of hard work into relearning to walk.  He's still himself, maintaining a good sense of humor, a laid back attitude, and patient perspective.  Still, travel is a bit tricky for him right now, so these pictures are a way to bring my life to him:)

I just love the home God has provided for us here.  We found it online 2 weeks before we moved away from Kansas City. Two weeks.  When I saw it, I sensed God's peace and knew it was the place he had for us for this next season.  He always provides.

In Colorado, He provided an apartment I deem "The Mountain Escape".

In Kansas City, He brought us to an apartment I affectionately call "The Tree House".

Here in Florida, He's settled us in "The Bungalow", a rental house.  Our first house actually. Well, not ours, I suppose.  But a house nonetheless.  And I'm so grateful for it.

It was the perfect location for both Matt and I to commute to work, and it didn't have any loud, obnoxious paint colors.  Thank you, Jesus. 

Behold The Bungalow:

They call sunrooms "Florida rooms" down here.  So here is the "Florida" room.
That couch is from Ikea, and the ottoman was a Craigslist score.

We needed an L-shaped console table for the "Florida room".  Matt offered to make me one. My man, while very smart and capable, had never, to my knowledge, made furniture by hand before.  I was a little skeptical.  But, not wanting to spoil his sweet offer, I told him what I had in mind.  Then, true to his word, he got to work and made me a table (two in fact!)

hard at work making my vision come true

he was so pleased that it was sturdy enough to stand on 3 legs

Almost done making his first piece of furniture.  I was amazed.

applying the stain  

Matt said, "That's a lot lighter than I thought it would be.  Did you remember to stir it first?"

Wait.  I was supposed to stir it?  Whoopsie.

Once painted and stained, we positioned the two tables in an L-shape to look like one piece.
Thank you, honey!

 Backing up a little bit, here is the living room where we do a lot of living:

I've had this dresser since before I met Matt.  It wouldn't fit in our tiny bedroom here, so it got repurposed as a TV stand.  I like the look of the wood in here.

Our frames got a sophisticated, neutral update.

To see Sara's photography site click here. 

This is a scene from Park Ave.around the corner from us.
It's the cutest little tree-lined, brick street of shops and restaurants here in Winter Park.

He's so handsome.
I'm a fan of blankets, even in Florida.  Matt named this one "Sweet Baby Gray".

dining nook
Our table just baaarely fit in this space.

guest room
Be. our. guest!  Be our guest!  Put our service to the test!

guest room
and a touch of my hometown

The picture above is one my mom took in the Marietta Square.  It was for a photography class assignment where she had to show parallel lines.  Didn't she do a good job?

And backing up to reveal a very exciting luggage rack with some posed luggage.

It's the little touches that make a house feel homey.
I love framing Scripture that God has spoken to my heart at pivotal times to remind me of the Truth.

Moving in took a little longer than past moves for various reasons, but when all was settled, I felt a huge relief.  I don't need big and fancy, but I have learned that I value aesthetics, and feeling "settled" and "at home" is comforting to me.

Aaand just to keep things real...

Here is the fan that fell out of the ceiling last week.  Thankfully, it didn't fall further and nobody was standing directly under it.

And here is the frog that came up from the toilet the other day, which naturally begs the question, "What else can come up through the toilet?"  Yikes!

I felt bad for him.

And here is one of the apparent millions of lizards in our yard.

Lizards are everywhere in Florida.
As are cockroaches (perhaps the vilest of God's creatures, second only to rats and possums).
I can't talk about it anymore.

On a brighter side of nature, one of my students brought me an orange from the orange tree in her yard.  I learned from our pastor friend the other day that oranges are sweetest after a cold snap.  Ah, the spiritual analogies...

an apple orange for the teacher!

These dark, grainy pictures are some of the only shots Matt and I have taken together since moving here. I'm including them so you don't forget what we look like;)

We miss you all!  It was nice to have you "over" to our place here.
Looking forward to some of you visiting in person!

Love, Matt and Liane