Taking care of myself

Right before Matt and I moved to KC, I scheduled a lunch date with a couple of doctors' wives I knew.  I wanted to hear their stories, ask them questions and take notes on lessons they learned along their journey, and gather tips they may have for me on practical ways I could support my husband during the crazy decade-ish long ride that is med school and residency.

I came home from that lunch with lots of scribbled notes of practical ideas on how I could serve Matt and ways I could be a good wife...  I will never forget my friend Sara's response when I was excitedly sharing some of those ideas with her:

"That's great, Li.  Have you thought of any ways to take care of yourself during med school?"

Huh.

Nope.  I hadn't.

Was I allowed to?

And thus began a little brainstorming session with Sara that night about a few simple things I might be able to do to take care of myself - take a bath, make a treat, call a friend, do something out of the ordinary...

I recently had an extra day off work, making for a long weekend.  Matt had a midterm to study for and was unavailable for playing.  What to do...what to do...


I am pleased to report that I decided to hop into my car and drive the 9 hours across the thrilling state of Kansas to go visit some friends in Colorado.  It was a good decision - good for my heart.

(Please forgive me if you're a CO friend, and I didn't see you during my short visit.  There were certainly others I would have loved to get time with had the visit been longer.)

The drive wasn't so bad.  I had lots of time to think and reflect.  And the timeless music of Billy Joel kept me company.  And as I passed field upon field of wheat, I felt thankful for all the things I can enjoy because of that wheat:  muffins, banana bread, toast, oh the possibilities!

But I was very grateful to arrive

and finally see this sweet friend and meet this little bundle of preciousness.

Sara and Baby Grace

And look who was happy to greet me with a bag of "treats for Li Li"

Sam!

You can imagine my surprise and delight when I opened the bag of treats and found that Sara had picked out personal things that she knew I would love...just...because.  It's not my birthday (though it was hers a couple weeks ago), not Christmas, and I'm not the one who just had a baby!

Sara's treats waiting for me.  Totally unexpected.  I felt so known.  and loved.

She even got us matching pajama pants.  It's the little things in life. :)

celebrating Sara's birthday

I also got to visit with these dear friends during my short stay.  My heart felt so full!

Kelley

Marty

Kristi

Becky

Caitlin and Jack Shephard bobblehead

I am so glad that I just did it.  Got in the car and drove.  It was well worth it to see these friends again.

One thing I have enjoyed about moving around the country is gaining friends to go back and visit.

Thanks, Sa, for challenging me to take care of myself in practical ways.



Speaking of taking care of myself, I stumbled across this book a few weeks ago and have enjoyed reading it.  Here's a little blurb about it:

Every wife of a doctor needs help navigating the unique path of life in a medical marriage. Using the poetry and wisdom of Psalm 19 as an outline, Debby Read has written Prescription for the Doctor’s Wife with openness and honesty about the joys and challenges of being married to a physician. With a tender, humble heart Debby shares her life, encourages the reader with Biblical Truth, and gives practical advice to help women who have the special calling of being a doctor’s wife. 

So for you fellow med school wives out there, this might be for you!

It has been good for my soul to camp out in Psalm 19 lately.

I have experienced that Christ alone is where my satisfaction lies and have learned that spending time listening to him is the best way to take care of myself, or rather experience Him taking care of me.

New Year's highs and lows

Let's rewind back a few weeks, shall we?

This is how we started the new year.

Rest in peace, Mr. Fish-We-Never-Named

He bionically survived a week without food while we were out of town, then - in an ironic twist of fate - died when I changed his water.

A tragic tale.

Fortunately, this was ALSO how I rang in the New Year:  Christin and Aimee visited!

Aimee and Christin toasting the New Year in KC!

All you need to know about Aimee is that she can hunt elk, could be considered an Organizational Leadership guru, is so even and easy to be with, and is just all-around fantastic.

Christin took me under her wing 12 years ago in college and taught me how to study the Bible.  She was the first person close to my age who modeled to me what intimacy with the Lord really looks like and how to give your life away.  I consider her one of my dearest friends today and am forever grateful for her influence in my life.

Here we are tootling around the Plaaaza, having just seen Les Miserable (hence the shameless Kleenex box).

me, Christin, and Aimee paintin' the town red

Then, naturally, we had to go somewhere special to analyze the movie and discuss the characters' different responses to grace and the effects of that.  and Russell Crowe's lacking singing voice.  He tried.
 

It would have been a crime not to let them sample from some of Kansas City's finest BBQ establishments.

So, I took it upon myself to introduce them to a couple of local favorites.

Here we are at Gates BBQ getting acquainted with Ms. Williams.  Sweet lady that Ms. Williams.

And we bumped into Mr. Gates himself!  He was such a kind man, chatting with us for longer than he was probably interested, and even hopping right up to take a picture with us.  He had a Bill Cosby-ish vibe with his warm sweater and even warmer smile. :)

Mr. Gates, son of the restaurant's founder

Nonetheless, Oklahoma Joe's remains my personal favorite.

and happens to be, according to Anthony Bourdain, one of the Top 13 Places to Eat Before You Die

and also happens to be in a gas station, which I think strangely adds to the appeal.  I'm not alone in this - the line is always long (out-the-door long).

See those trophies in the back?  Those are barbecue competition trophies.

full and happy

I am so glad that Christin and Aimee came to visit me.  It was the perfect start to 2013.  You gals are welcomed here any time!

A time to weep, a time to laugh

I don't claim to be a great and learned theologian, and I suspect that we are all at least incomplete in our understanding of God and ourselves, since He says we only know in part here, but will know in full and will see everything clearly when He returns.

^{"Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.  All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely."}

^{I Corinthians 13:12}

With that, I believe God not only allows sadness but may even cause it at times - but not out of cruelty, out of his goodness because there are sweet things to be had through it.  A depth of comfort unknown before.  A realization of certain truths that penetrate the heart in new ways.

Matt hates to see me unhappy or sad.  I told him the other day though that I think the Lord has some sweet things for me to experience in Him as I walk through sadness, and that I'm not altogether uneager to go through it if I can experience my Lord in new ways.  I told him that he doesn't have to feel bad about my sadness or try to fix it but can, with hope and good conscience, release me to it.


I can't be sad all the time though.  I just don't have that kind of stamina.  And I appreciate that the Lord, in his goodness, also gives times of joy and laughter.

The other day, I caught Matt reciting names of blood diseases in a thick southern accent.

Aaa...I love that man.

He continues to make me laugh and show me patience and love.

Yesterday, we joyfully celebrated his 32nd birthday with some Thai food, homemade brownies, and Men In Black III (quite the surprise ending, if I do say so myself!)

Happy Birthday, my love!

Lessons I'm learning

Our memory verse in my 2nd grade classroom this week so happens to be Philippians 2:14 - 

"Do everything without complaining or arguing."

I learned this from a wise woman once:  When reading a verse, reread it to yourself over and over again, each time emphasizing a different word.  Like this:

Do EVERYTHING without complaining or arguing.
Do everything WITHOUT complaining or arguing.
Do everything without COMPLAINING or arguing.
Do everything without complaining OR arguing.

Or

The LORD is my shepherd.
The Lord IS my shepherd.
The Lord is MY shepherd.
The Lord is my SHEPHERD.

Etc.

Savoring each word like dark chocolate.

After I read with the children about how the Israelites grumbled in the wilderness and how God continued to provide for them and remained faithful to them, despite the fact that they were SO UNDESERVING, I couldn't help but reflect on God's faithfulness to me lately, despite the fact that I have been a bit blue and thankless these last two weeks, focusing instead on my sacrifices, my desires, my SELF.  Blasted self.

The novelty of moving to a new city has faded, and now my heart's sin reveals itself in the humdrum of everyday life.  How prone I am at times to give in to discouragement, or to an outwardly quiet but inwardly screaming attitude of entitlement for my sacrifices to never go unrecognized or under-appreciated.  So ugly.

As I struggle at times to want to be regularly appreciated (whatever that looks like) for my sacrifices, the Lord in His great wisdom is teaching me to reflect on the nature of HIS SACRIFICE for me.  I think of Jesus willingly and lovingly sacrificing Himself for people who He knew would reject his sacrifice or under-appreciate it.  And that He sacrificed out of great LOVE and an unshakable COMMITMENT to do the will of His Father.

I do have moments/seasons of sacrifice that looks like this.  Then the reality that I'm human and not God hits me between the eyes in those other moments when I get tired of my sacrifices or quietly resentful about making them.

He is so different from me.  So constant.  Altogether good.  Full of unfailing love.
That gap between His nature and my nature seems to grow wider and wider,  the more experiences I have to learn just how sinful I am and how holy He is.

Back to my classroom

After reciting our Bible verse, I asked this simple discussion question yesterday to my students: "What are some things you have complained about?".

As I listened to some of these 7 and 8 year olds lay bare their sins, I sat there convicted.
Quietly turning the question onto myself, the Lord gently and clearly brought to my mind complaints my heart was harboring.  Ohhh, Lord, forgive me!

It seems He is constantly having to save me from my own pride, self-righteousness, laziness, or envy.

"How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?
Cleanse me from these hidden faults.
Keep me from deliberate sins!  Don't let them control me.
...May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."

Psalm 19:12-14

Today's bad attitude

Today I have a bad attitude.

Waiting is hard.

It's not fun.

Today is a day when I longed to have children.  My own children.

When you spend your days investing into other people's children and you get to a point when you're ready to spend that energy training and guiding your own babies, that investment in other children feels....harder.  It hurts a little.

And then I think about how my biological clock is ticking. (Marisa Tomei anyone?)

They say the likelihood of bearing children with birth defects increases the older a woman gets.  - Though I know it can happen, I actually don't spend time worrying about this, but it helps my case when I feel like venting or I don't know, say, when I'm selfishly trying to persuade my husband to bump up our baby-having date, even though it goes directly against our previous, logical, genuine, prayer-covered, unified, team plan agreement.

Earlier this week, I had a great attitude.  I even told a friend how I have learned not to wish this season away and how the Lord has helped me to see each phase in my life as a gift not to be squandered.  And how He has specifically shown me wonderful purposes for this childless season.

But, wouldn't you know it, I'm human (darn humanity!)  Today, my inner-self pouted.  Okay, my outer-self too.  There was arm crossing involved.  And maybe a tear or two rolling down a sullen face in a quiet room by myself.

What fickle creatures we are.  Not you?  You lie.

I have inspiring perspective one day, then my 2 year-old self rises up and needs to be dealt with.  And sometimes I'm too lazy to deal with her.  So I let her have her little tantrum (relegated to my own head), knowing that in the end, she will not win.

That does comfort me.  Knowing that she will not win.  That though I may indulge her, Christ doesn't leave me in my crumby perspective but always shows me a way out of it, even validates my natural longings.  He's so kind.

For now, let it be known.  I'm pouting.  And Christ still accepts and loves me.